One Huge Milestone

I was recently told by a friend that I should totally own and commit to this blog, and that by doing that, I should tell the public what I weigh. I about died when she said that.

I guess some how if I don't tell ya'll what I weigh, post a cute picture of just my face and hide behind a blog, then you won't figure out that I'm actually fat? I don't know... so, I told this friend that when I hit a certain milestone that I would tell the blog-sphere what I weigh.

Can I keep stalling? Please? Can I tell you about how I've never really been thin? Even when I was thin, I wasn't thin. I didn't get there the right way and I was never a thin person in my head. I would shake my head in denial when I would get told that I was beautiful or good looking. Or when guys would walk out of their way to talk to me. Or when my husband and I started dating and eventually married... the whole time I shook my head in denial and I thought I put some kind of voodoo spell on him!

Fast forward 10 years when we had our daughter and when people would tell me how stinking cute she is and then in the same breath say "she looks just like you," I would politely say thank you and follow it with, "she actually looks just like her dad." Because in my fat girl brain, there is no way this beautiful little baby girl looks like me and if she does... that poor thing!

I don't know when I blossomed. I was always bigger than everyone. Even in 6th grade, I weighed 115 lbs. (god, I wish!) But all the other 12 year olds at that time were scrawny and short, and grew later. I was already 5'5", almost done with growing and I was filled out. I already had boobs, hips, broad shoulders and a butt. A 12 year-old girl doesn't understand that and neither do her 12 year old peers, so I got called Moose, Slut, Easy, Fat, Ugly and probably more that I don't remember or didn't understand.

I had to ask my mom what a slut was - nice huh?

Those names stuck with me until high school when those same boys started asking me out and I told them no quickly. Not because I didn't want to go out with them, but because since they were the same ones that picked on me five years before, I was convinced that they were asking me out as a joke and would some how humiliate me in the end, because that had happened prior, too.

Fast forward to my 20's, when I gained and lost weight. I didn't do it the right way. I drank most of my calories, danced every night and hardly ate. That is not exactly a healthy diet that will get you to a sustainable weight, so it's no surprise that it went back on quickly after I was a married woman.

So.... now... fast forwarded 10 more years. I am 33 (34 this month) and exercising like crazy. Dieting like a mad woman. Finding the balance in life finally. I have realized that I cannot eat pizza every week and snack all day. I am accepting that I am a beautiful person inside and out and that I deserve the wonderful life, family and friends that I have. I deserve to have a beautiful daughter and wonderful husband - and so does anyone else!

Have I stalled enough? What else can I talk about? The million other things that contributed to my issues? No? *Sigh* Ok, here it goes.The milestone I hit today is that I am finally under 200 pounds. 199.6 this morning! I think the last time I was in the 100's was before my knee injury and I think that was about 6 years ago, but I was probably hovering around 200 anyway, but I had no scale at the time, so I have no idea.

There it is - be gentle everyone and remember what your momma taught you... "if you don't have anything nice to day, then don't say anything at all".